Laurie, la flâneuse

Sally: I am just finishing Introvert Power, and it has been so important for me.  You have described me exactly!  I run a small store, where I can sometimes lose myself in my thoughts between customers, but I have to be up for interruption at any moment (I intentionally chose this job over teaching, which I have a degree in).  On busy days I go home exhausted, and it’s so hard to meet the needs of my very dear but extroverted youngest son, who has been waiting for me to come home.  All four of my children seem to get more introverted as they get older, and I feel that I have, too.  Does introversion increase with age?

Laurie: What I have observed (and Carl Jung’s theory says) is that people move toward their opposite as they age. I think this is particularly true with extroverts, who, in our culture are encouraged to indulge their personality preference early in life. So, yes, I would anticipate that your son will become more introverted with age – but, as an extrovert, he will probably continue to “refuel” through social interactions. But the other good news is that, as your son matures, he will be drawn more and more to his peers, carrying his extroversion out into the world. My boys are teenagers, and they are so involved with their own lives that I’m lucky if I can get a “hi” from them when I come home (tho’ I’m also lucky that I can grab time to myself!).

But I know the dilemma well. You are socially spent after work and, as an introvert, you want to refuel by having some time to yourself. Your son wants to refuel by having time with you. Here are a couple of ideas for you:

1. Get some solitary time BEFORE you come home. Stop at a coffee shop (where you are not recognized!) and sip a beverage while staring idly out the window, write in a journal or go for a meditative walk. You’ll come home more ready for your son.

2. Another idea is one I borrow from child development expert, T. Barry Brazelton: When you get home, give all of your attention to your son for 10 minutes. He will get his fill and may even spontaneously want to move on to other things. And you don’t carry around the guilt. You’re both happy.

FOUR kids! That is quite an achievement for an introvert . Remember, to be there for them, it’s crucial that you also be there for YOU.